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Thread: Cracking Story

  1. #301
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    "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that it's difficult to determine whether or not they are genuine" - Abraham Lincoln

  2. #302
    Where was the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth shattering kaboom!

  3. Isle of Scilly Police updates.

    Weather Warning

    Weather Warning for Scilly tonight amongst other places
    We are informed by Met Office that it is going to blow a hooley tonight with gusts of 60 to 70 mph from the South to South West. I have been out in it and can confirm that this is the case. It's wet too. The tides are on neaps with a high tonight at shortly before midnight. It is expected to recede in the morning, (both the wind and tide). Then the tide will come back but not so much the wind.
    I'm not good at this weather reporting so watch the TV tonight where somebody far more skilled and attractive can do it.
    Take care on the roads for blown debris and you have my utmost admiration if you have to go out to sea in this. If you don't then tidy the patio and make sure the gate is closed so you don't have to go out in your PJ's at 2am. Colin

    Parking by Schools Warning

    A bit of legal grammar.
    The words “JUST” and “FOR A MOMENT” are silent words. In a similar way to the inert silent letters (B) in “DUMB” or (W) in “ANSWER”.
    Basically they are words we sort of ignore. So when somebody says “I was just stopped on the zig zags outside school for a moment”
    A police officer hears “I was stopped on the zig zags outside school”.
    The parent of an injured child hears “I made a conscious decision to put your child at risk by parking my car on the clearly marked zig zags that are there precisely to prevent injury to children”
    A court hears “Guilty”
    Please do not stop on the zig zags outside Five Islands School or any other for that matter. They are there for the reason of keeping children safe by allowing them to cross the road with clear lines of sight. Traffic accidents do not generally happen in slow motion. They happen in just a moment. The slow motion bit comes as the errant driver relives it time and time again.
    I intend to be outside school this morning and for those vehicles that persist in stopping on the zig zags I will JUST get out my pen and pocket notebook and write in it FOR A MOMENT.
    Colin
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  4. #304
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    Quote Originally Posted by lemonjelly View Post
    Crazy bitch. I hope she rots in prison.
    I'm afraid not Lieutenant. I'm just off to Hartlepool to buy some exploding trousers.

  5. #305
    Quote Originally Posted by lemonjelly View Post
    Fair play to the lover for sticking by him though. A life with no meat, just two veg

  6. #306
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    This Colin fella is gold.
    At the Court of King Chaos,only blood can write its own tragedy

  7. This could have gone in the Music thread (just) or even the Red Ed one but Mr James Blunt v Chris Bryant

    James Blunt has hit back at MP Chris Bryant for criticising his public school background (in a Guardian article), saying the ‘prejudiced wazzock’ encouraged the ‘politics of jealousy.’

    Labour’s new shadow culture minister said that the arts world must address the dominance of performers like Eddie Redmayne, James Blunt and their ilk who come from privileged backgrounds.

    In his first interview in the job, Chris Bryant said one of his priorities if he became a minister would be to encourage diversity and fairer funding in the arts.
    Blunty's response

    Dear Chris Bryant MP,

    You classist gimp. I happened to go to a boarding school. No one helped me at boarding school to get into the music business. I bought my first guitar with money I saved from holiday jobs (sandwich packing!). I was taught the only four chords I know by a friend.

    No one at school had ANY knowledge or contacts in the music business, and I was expected to become a soldier or a lawyer or perhaps a stockbroker. So alien was it, that people laughed at the idea of me going into the music business, and certainly no one was of any use. In the army, again, people thought it was a mad idea.

    None of them knew anyone in the business either. And when I left the army, going against everyone’s advice, EVERYONE I met in the British music industry told me there was no way it would work for me because I was too posh.

    One record company even asked if I could speak in a different accent. (I told them I could try Russian).

    Every step of the way, my background has been AGAINST me succeeding in the music business. And when I have managed to break through, I was STILL scoffed at for being too posh for the industry. And then you come along, looking for votes, telling working class people that posh people like me don’t deserve it, and that we must redress the balance.

    But it is your populist, envy-based, vote-hunting ideas which make our country crap, far more than me and my $#@! songs, and my plummy accent.

    I got signed in America, where they don’t give a stuff about, or even understand what you mean by me and “my ilk”, you prejudiced wazzock, and I worked my arse off. What you teach is the politics of jealousy.

    Rather than celebrating success and figuring out how we can all exploit it further as the Americans do, you instead talk about how we can hobble that success and “level the playing field”.

    Perhaps what you’ve failed to realise is that the only head-start my school gave me in the music business, where the VAST majority of people are NOT from boarding school, is to tell me that I should aim high.

    Perhaps it protected me from your kind of narrow-minded, self-defeating, lead-us-to-a-dead-end, remove-the-‘G’-from-‘GB’ thinking, which is to look at others’ success and say, “it’s not fair.”

    Up yours,

    James Cucking Funt
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  8. #308
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    Bryant has responded with his own letter.

  9. #309
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    Johnny75 is offline PTG Mickey Mouse Cup Winner and overall Runner Up 2012/13 AND 2013/14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wombat del combate View Post
    Bryant has responded with his own letter.
    Horse.................................bolted.
    Have all the bellends on the internet had their porn subscription revoked and become angry at the rest of the world?

  10. #310
    Dad relaxing in sauna is 'cooked to death' after malfunctioning timer failed to turn off heat.

    http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/uk...-death-5023148
    In the age of information, ignorance is a choice.

  11. #311
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    Why did he not just leave?
    I'm afraid not Lieutenant. I'm just off to Hartlepool to buy some exploding trousers.

  12. Quote Originally Posted by The Bear View Post
    Why did he not just leave?
    Probably passed out or was so relaxed he fell asleep and then the heat just kept him that way.
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  13. #313
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Bear View Post
    Why did he not just leave?
    You can't just leave the sauna!
    At the Court of King Chaos,only blood can write its own tragedy

  14. #314
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    Exploding manhole cover just misses toddler.

    http://www.expressandstar.com/news/2...missing-child/
    PC gamers, come and join the TWF Steam Group!

  15. #315

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