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The Laughter Cemetery

So, I took this girl from Liverpool out to a vegetarian restaurant.

I said, “Do you like avocado?”

She said, “No, I ain’t even passed me driving test yet”.
 
I used to find random scrabble pieces around town. I had to stop searching for them though.
My shrink said if I kept up the obsession it could spell disaster.
 
I was watching an Australian cooking show. The chef made a meringue and the audience all clapped which surprised me because I thought they would boo meringues...
 
That doesn't make sense unless you use the silly American way of pronouncing it.
 
Glad someone has explained.....couldn't work out why van accelerator or van throttle was funny
 
We can’t do any more jokes about the Suez Canal thing?
Well, I guess that ship has sailed.
 
What’s the best kids water slide?

Your girlfriends throat.
 
People think it's strange that I still live with my mum, but I don't. I mean, it's only eight years she's been dead...
 
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