Page 69 of 70 FirstFirst ... 195967686970 LastLast
Results 2,041 to 2,070 of 2088

Thread: The Laughter Cemetery

  1. #2041
    Langers's Avatar
    Langers is offline Dr Admin and PTG Champion x 2 (2011/12, 2012/13)
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Stourbridge
    Posts
    53,146
    Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

    He worked it out himself.
    "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that it's difficult to determine whether or not they are genuine" - Abraham Lincoln

  2. #2042
    machin05's Avatar
    machin05 is offline MURDERS BADGERS. PTG Dogsbody and Spreadsheet MasterN3rd
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    33,405
    With a pencil???
    Socks before or after trousers, but never before pants. That's the rule.

  3. #2043
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Washington DC
    Posts
    7,198
    No, a TI-84+
    <3 - guns, jesus, walmart, truck nuts, brexit, rosters, half-half scarves, orange kits
    </3 - tea, kebabs, monarchies, EU, the deep state, nandos

  4. #2044
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Dwelling in a cave Down South...
    Posts
    2,856
    Does anyone want any Chiropracty magazines before I put them for sale on ebay?
    I have a lot of back issues...
    My name is Geoff...

  5. #2045
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Ynyshir
    Posts
    7,824
    The other day I yelled into a colander and I strained my voice.

  6. #2046
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Mondas and Telos
    Posts
    14,794
    witch.jpg

    This made me laugh way more than it should
    Not really a Wolves fan according to Tredman.

  7. #2047
    What runs around in circles going "mark,mark"

    A dog with a hare lip.

  8. #2048
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Chattanooga
    Posts
    2,521
    What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo
    One is about a ton. The other is a little lighter
    400 channels and nowt to watch!

  9. #2049
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Stafford
    Posts
    16,457
    Itís a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub.

    Itís a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.

    The difference is staggering.
    )

  10. #2050
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Stafford
    Posts
    16,457
    I met a Dalek in the pub who claimed he was from Devon so I asked him whereabouts in Devon he was from.
    He replied: EXETER MATE EXETER MATE
    )

  11. #2051
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Cannock
    Posts
    7,992
    I laughed at that one and now I feel dirty
    Why they will qualify: Nuno Espirito Santo is actually a tactical genius.

  12. #2052
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Location
    Wombourne
    Posts
    3,333
    Quote Originally Posted by Paul View Post
    I laughed at that one and now I feel dirty
    Dementia, obvs.

  13. #2053
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Cannock
    Posts
    7,992
    A slice of apple pie is $1.40 in Jamaica, and $2.60 in the Bahamas.

    These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
    Why they will qualify: Nuno Espirito Santo is actually a tactical genius.

  14. #2054
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    NW Leicestershire
    Posts
    14,767
    Stupid joke on the radio this morning that I hadn't heard before but made me smile (from an 8 year old).

    What bees can produce milk?

    Boobies.

  15. #2055
    darlowolf64's Avatar
    darlowolf64 is online now PTG Division 3 (North) Champion 2018/19 & 2019/20 (Hands up if you actually care about this)
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Northallerton, North Yorkshire
    Posts
    26,969
    Missed posting this yesterday on St Paddy's Day so... (and apologies in advance)

    What do you call an Irishman who just stands in your garden all day?


    Paddy O'Furniture
    I give in but I still care

  16. #2056
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    4,021
    Quote Originally Posted by machin05 View Post
    With a pencil???
    Couldn't work it out with a pencil, had to use logs...

  17. #2057
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Stafford
    Posts
    16,457
    Prince Charles is isolating at Balmoral with Covid -19.

    Prince Andrew is isolating at Windsor with Jennifer-14.
    )

  18. #2058
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    16,384
    Knock Knock


    GO AWAY

  19. #2059
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Cannock
    Posts
    7,992
    In honour of all Hermes, Yodel and Amazon drivers, lets show our appreciation and clap on doorsteps and out of windows sometime between 8am and 9pm
    Why they will qualify: Nuno Espirito Santo is actually a tactical genius.

  20. #2060
    Kenny's Avatar
    Kenny is offline Post Sponsored by the creators of the Gallimore Scale
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    45,505
    Quote Originally Posted by Paul View Post
    In honour of all Hermes, Yodel and Amazon drivers, lets show our appreciation and clap on doorsteps and out of windows sometime between 8am and 9pm
    For Hermes do I need to stand on the doorstep of a house 3 streets away?

  21. #2061
    darlowolf64's Avatar
    darlowolf64 is online now PTG Division 3 (North) Champion 2018/19 & 2019/20 (Hands up if you actually care about this)
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Northallerton, North Yorkshire
    Posts
    26,969
    Just to make you aware there is an email going round saying that giving up ham products cures Covid-19. If you get it it, ignore it as it's just spam.
    I give in but I still care

  22. #2062
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Burton-On-Trent
    Posts
    45,991
    But..... i LiEk HaM!
    Oh my god! Whitney's dead? How's Michael Jackson taking it?

  23. #2063
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Dwelling in a cave Down South...
    Posts
    2,856
    What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?

    Ian...
    My name is Geoff...

  24. #2064
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Drifting aimlessly,looking for direction
    Posts
    2,425
    Did you know the actor Yul Brynner was a lifelong fan of Liverpool FC and never wore aftershave?

    Yul never wore cologne
    See post #5516 of ex wolf watch to find out why in my house,i hate Kenny Miller

  25. #2065
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Burton-On-Trent
    Posts
    45,991
    A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a cheese sandwich.

    The bartender looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."

    "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

    "And you can talk!" exclaims the bartender.

    "I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

    "Certainly, sorry about that" says the bartender as he pours the duck a pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?"

    "I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck.

    ďWhat do you do?Ē asks the bartender, amazed.

    "I'm a plasterer."

    The flabbergasted bartender cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

    So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

    The same thing happens for two weeks.

    Then one day the circus comes to town.

    The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the bartender says to him:

    "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

    "Sounds marvelous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."

    So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the bartender says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

    "I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?"

    "At the circus," says the bartender.

    "The circus?" repeats the duck.

    "That's right," replies the bartender.

    "The circus?" the duck asks again. "With the big TENT?"

    "Yeah!" the bartender replies.

    "With all the animals who live in CAGES, and performers who live in CARAVANS?" says the duck.

    "Of course," the bartender replies.

    "And the tent has CANVAS sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

    "That's right!" says the bartender.

    The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says: "What would they want with a plasterer??"
    Oh my god! Whitney's dead? How's Michael Jackson taking it?

  26. #2066
    Langers's Avatar
    Langers is offline Dr Admin and PTG Champion x 2 (2011/12, 2012/13)
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Stourbridge
    Posts
    53,146


    I like that.
    "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that it's difficult to determine whether or not they are genuine" - Abraham Lincoln

  27. #2067
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Cannock
    Posts
    7,992
    Best mate just told me he failed his aboriginal music exam a few months ago.

    I asked him, "did you re-do it?"
    Why they will qualify: Nuno Espirito Santo is actually a tactical genius.

  28. #2068
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Burton-On-Trent
    Posts
    45,991
    Just been asked by a group of teenagers outside the Co-op if I would get them 20 Richmonds.

    Reluctantly I agreed and got them a packet. I handed them over and you should have heard the abuse I got!

    So I told them, next time get your own fucking sausages.
    Oh my god! Whitney's dead? How's Michael Jackson taking it?

  29. #2069
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    The best part of Wolvo.
    Posts
    28,796
    Just heard on the news that they've quarantined everyone at John Lennon airport.

    Imagine, all the people...
    Quote Originally Posted by Jinky View Post
    it hasnít been a good week for Jeff.

  30. #2070
    Langers's Avatar
    Langers is offline Dr Admin and PTG Champion x 2 (2011/12, 2012/13)
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Stourbridge
    Posts
    53,146
    Bravo, chaps
    "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that it's difficult to determine whether or not they are genuine" - Abraham Lincoln

Similar Threads

  1. Franks Jokes - The Laughter Cemetery
    By Penk Wolf in forum General Chatter
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 13th June 2012, 02:59 PM
  2. Laughter - The Best Medicine
    By Hereford Wolf in forum General Chatter
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 28th March 2011, 08:25 PM

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •