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Thread: Bellend commentators

  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deutsch Wolf View Post
    Pearce is ok. He has the gift of just ignoring Lawrenson whenever he tries his hilarious jokes. That'll do for me.
    That was ace when he utterly ignored Lawro, not once but twice in the same game within 10 minutes. Lawro never attempted a shit gag for the rest of the game.

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    Chris Coleman is by far the worst. I wish he would go back to managing somebody insignificant like Coventry so everybody can just forget out him and move on. Tony Cottee never fails to get on my nerves when I watch Soccer Saturday as well, he simply refuses to get excited about anybody but West Ham and Leicester.

    I can take or leave Steve Claridge, he seems quite knowledgeable on the Football League Show but he's also a complete tool.

    Who's everybody's favourite commentator/pundit? I honestly don't think I have one, although I don't mind Alan Smith, even if his voice is a bit funny and he talks up Arsenal too much. Ray Wilkins has talked a lot of sense since he's been on Sky and I hope he continues on with them.
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    I like Tony Gale, but only because he seems to favour Wolves.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lycanthropist View Post
    I can take or leave Steve Claridge, he seems quite knowledgeable on the Football League Show but he's also a complete tool.
    Dunno about knowledgeable. He backed Leicester for the top two a few weeks back and they have since won one in six.

    He also praised Charlton's appointment of Chris Powell because he wore a suit. He said it illustrated the sharp style with which he wanted Charlton to play and that players appreciated that kind of detail. They have lost seven out of their last eight.
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    Knowledgeable compared to to rest of the idiots (Leroy Rosenior) on that show, he seems very fair and interested in football at all levels of the game. As I said though it doesn't stop him being a tool.
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    Chris Waddle and Garth Crooks must wake up each morning and wonder how on earth they can blag a living out of talking about football.

  7. #37
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    Clive fucking Tyldesley.

    Utter, utter nobend.

    The absolute epitome of the shite modern commentator. DW was right about Peter Dreary trying for his 'Wolstenholme moment' but this fucking cretin started it. The problem is, he has yet to have his 'moment' (and if anyone thinks 'and Solsjkaer has won it' is anything other than the most bog standard bleedin' obvious bland, overblown tripe then they're clearly only a simple Man Utd fan unable to think of any other 'poignant' quote) and he never will. Because he's a fucking idiot.

    His irritating way of over-pronouncing foreign names is another ball ache. The way he says 'Totti' for example - it sounds similar to how I address my 6 month old daughter. Who the hell is 'Doddeeeee'? You don't need to constantly patronise us, we're not tourists. And you're really showing your cultured fucking wisdom. Well, until you forgot to pronounce it the same way mere minutes later and actually said 'Totti' like the rest of the English speaking world.

    Oh - I forgot 'Podolski - BANG!'-gate. World Cup Semi Final 2006 - Clive's turn to make a name in the history books (because let's face it - no fucker would be stupid enough to listen to him in the World Cup final - everyone - including Clive's mum - would see sense and choose the BBC coverage). So he went to town that night. EVERY 5 minutes we got a Clive-ism. But frustratingly from Planet Twatface's most famous resident, the action didn't match the many lines of sheer gibberish. Lucas Podolski then hit a shot from 25 yards. If it would have gone in, it would have been a screamer and sent Germany through to the final. Clive knew this. So, what wonderful choice of poetic brilliance did Mr T utter to millions of people as Podolski lined up the shot? "Podolski - BANG!"

    Take a bow William fucking Shakespeare. If you want your MBE Clive, you're going to have to do a lot better than that. And it might help if you stop reminding us that Fabio and Raphael happen to be twins. We sort of figured that out for ourselves, you moron.

    I have to put up with this utter tosspiece way too often. Why haven't trading standards shut ITV down? Kids could be watching this coverage. They will get the wrong idea about what should and shouldn't be acceptable behaviour for a broadcast of a football match. Frankly, if kids start using Clive-isms in every day life, I'd be in favour of re-introducing capital punishment, starting in schools.

    If Clive Tyldesley was a milkshake, he would be diarrhea flavour.
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    If Clive was to ever write a autobiography, i fully expect Langdales post to be on the back of the book.

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Langdale Wolf View Post
    Clive $#@!ing Tyldesley.

    Utter, utter nobend.

    The absolute epitome of the $#@!e modern commentator. DW was right about Peter Dreary trying for his 'Wolstenholme moment' but this $#@!ing cretin started it. The problem is, he has yet to have his 'moment' (and if anyone thinks 'and Solsjkaer has won it' is anything other than the most bog standard bleedin' obvious bland, overblown tripe then they're clearly only a simple Man Utd fan unable to think of any other 'poignant' quote) and he never will. Because he's a $#@!ing idiot.

    His irritating way of over-pronouncing foreign names is another ball ache. The way he says 'Totti' for example - it sounds similar to how I address my 6 month old daughter. Who the hell is 'Doddeeeee'? You don't need to constantly patronise us, we're not tourists. And you're really showing your cultured $#@!ing wisdom. Well, until you forgot to pronounce it the same way mere minutes later and actually said 'Totti' like the rest of the English speaking world.

    Oh - I forgot 'Podolski - BANG!'-gate. World Cup Semi Final 2006 - Clive's turn to make a name in the history books (because let's face it - no $#@!er would be stupid enough to listen to him in the World Cup final - everyone - including Clive's mum - would see sense and choose the BBC coverage). So he went to town that night. EVERY 5 minutes we got a Clive-ism. But frustratingly from Planet $#@!face's most famous resident, the action didn't match the many lines of sheer gibberish. Lucas Podolski then hit a shot from 25 yards. If it would have gone in, it would have been a screamer and sent Germany through to the final. Clive knew this. So, what wonderful choice of poetic brilliance did Mr T utter to millions of people as Podolski lined up the shot? "Podolski - BANG!"

    Take a bow William $#@!ing Shakespeare. If you want your MBE Clive, you're going to have to do a lot better than that. And it might help if you stop reminding us that Fabio and Raphael happen to be twins. We sort of figured that out for ourselves, you moron.

    I have to put up with this utter tosspiece way too often. Why haven't trading standards shut ITV down? Kids could be watching this coverage. They will get the wrong idea about what should and shouldn't be acceptable behaviour for a broadcast of a football match. Frankly, if kids start using Clive-isms in every day life, I'd be in favour of re-introducing capital punishment, starting in schools.

    If Clive Tyldesley was a milkshake, he would be diarrhea flavour.
    Thats a lot of words to say "He is a cunt"

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    Quote Originally Posted by Langdale Wolf View Post
    Clive fucking Tyldesley.

    Utter, utter nobend.

    The absolute epitome of the shite modern commentator. DW was right about Peter Dreary trying for his 'Wolstenholme moment' but this fucking cretin started it. The problem is, he has yet to have his 'moment' (and if anyone thinks 'and Solsjkaer has won it' is anything other than the most bog standard bleedin' obvious bland, overblown tripe then they're clearly only a simple Man Utd fan unable to think of any other 'poignant' quote) and he never will. Because he's a fucking idiot.

    His irritating way of over-pronouncing foreign names is another ball ache. The way he says 'Totti' for example - it sounds similar to how I address my 6 month old daughter. Who the hell is 'Doddeeeee'? You don't need to constantly patronise us, we're not tourists. And you're really showing your cultured fucking wisdom. Well, until you forgot to pronounce it the same way mere minutes later and actually said 'Totti' like the rest of the English speaking world.

    Oh - I forgot 'Podolski - BANG!'-gate. World Cup Semi Final 2006 - Clive's turn to make a name in the history books (because let's face it - no fucker would be stupid enough to listen to him in the World Cup final - everyone - including Clive's mum - would see sense and choose the BBC coverage). So he went to town that night. EVERY 5 minutes we got a Clive-ism. But frustratingly from Planet Twatface's most famous resident, the action didn't match the many lines of sheer gibberish. Lucas Podolski then hit a shot from 25 yards. If it would have gone in, it would have been a screamer and sent Germany through to the final. Clive knew this. So, what wonderful choice of poetic brilliance did Mr T utter to millions of people as Podolski lined up the shot? "Podolski - BANG!"

    Take a bow William fucking Shakespeare. If you want your MBE Clive, you're going to have to do a lot better than that. And it might help if you stop reminding us that Fabio and Raphael happen to be twins. We sort of figured that out for ourselves, you moron.

    I have to put up with this utter tosspiece way too often. Why haven't trading standards shut ITV down? Kids could be watching this coverage. They will get the wrong idea about what should and shouldn't be acceptable behaviour for a broadcast of a football match. Frankly, if kids start using Clive-isms in every day life, I'd be in favour of re-introducing capital punishment, starting in schools.

    If Clive Tyldesley was a milkshake, he would be diarrhea flavour.
    So, do you rate him or not?
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  11. #41
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    I'm essentially neutral.
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  12. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by Langdale Wolf View Post
    I'm essentially neutral.
    That's what I thought...
    Write down everything you know about football on the back of a postage stamp. In the space you have left over you can draw a picture...

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    Thanks for naming Jonathon Pierce guys, hes fookin awful. Yes he has toned it down now hes on the beeb, but his commentary is more suited to WWF than football. When England lost to Prtugal on penos in Euro 04 - " Oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

    He's like a 14 year old girl at a JLS concert, screaming for no apparent reason - ...." AND ROOOOOOOOOONEY...........HE'S WON A THROOOOOOW INNNNNNNN!"
    Quote Originally Posted by James View Post

    I honestly didn't think people were that stupid...

  14. #44
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    Does anyone else remember the Bolton commentator who managed to get on Fantasy Football League? Absolutely hilarious. Not much to like about Bolton, but this guy was just fantastically biased!

    Better than Phil Walder anyhow.
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    Sid Waddell - a sad, sad self-parody now.
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    Just make it fast loud and rude

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    Quote Originally Posted by Deutsch Wolf View Post
    Motson can't say "Drogba" properly and he's just a senile old fool these days.
    That's what I was going to post. He seems to orgasm at the slightest bit of excitement too. Which doesn't conjure up a nice image in my head.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Paddingtonwolf View Post
    Sid Waddell - a sad, sad self-parody now.
    I'm usually ok with Sid. But what annoyed me last week was his total lack of acknowledgement of the shit Adrian Lewis was having to endure.

    He kept going on about a boisterous Glasgow crowd getting on Adie's back, as coins and lighters bounced off the board and didn't mention them once.

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    Sid went to university with my uncle. He used to be brilliant and is an incredibly intelligent bloke, but all this 'understacker, overstacker, lipstick' shit is awful now.

    I hadn't heard how bad it was in glasgow, but that is disgusting behaviour. Barrie Hearn seems to be planning to stamp it out, so I guess it will be best behaviour required at the grand slam this year.
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    Henry Blofeld - He turns me into a nervous wreck whenever he commentates on Test Match Special as every ball he commentates on has the feel that a wicket will be taken. I can actually stand him when he's taliking about the pigeons or the trees or the buses its just when he gets onto the cricket that he annoys me.

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    he's a fatuous old windbag

    peter alliss - warbling on about the tea and cream cakes party for dear old ethel at St Nobodyknowsit golf club somewhere in outer bloody mongolia. Ken Brown - intensely annoying.
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    I hate Blofeld.

    "And here comes Johnson, oh no it's Hauritz, bowls, and Strauss, no Bell, hits it, and is it caught?!! No, all along the ground for four, and England are 163-3, no sorry, 263-3, er 263-4."

    Travelling back from my mate's wedding down in Surrey during the 2009 Ashes, put the radio on in the car, he was wittering on about something for a good five minutes, causing me to shout "JUST TELL ME THE FUCKING SCORE YOU C**T!!!!" Mrs DW was not amused.
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    Yeah, but you don't only listen to TMS for bald cricket stats and chat, do you? HB will no doubt have drunk himself to death soon anyway so you'll be shot of him.

    Not really a commentator, but Sue Barker's simpering schoolgirl schtick really gets on my tits. BBC tennis coverage in general is cringeworthy.

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    Quote Originally Posted by So Long Architect View Post
    Yeah, but you don't only listen to TMS for bald cricket stats and chat, do you?
    Well no, but I like it when I sort of vaguely know what's going on.
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    Yes - it is dreadful, with the exception of McEnroe who calls everything pretty much as he sees it.

    It has been awful for years though. Silence for minutes followed by 'Oh I say' was not commentary, Maskell.

    In general, if the BBC get an event in the crown jewels on, they send all their people to it, even if they haven't a fucking clue. Take the golf. Radio 5 I can be listening to Westwood lining up a vital putt and Claire fucking Balding is describing it to me. Arrrrrgggggh. I don't want Nick Faldo calling home the winner of the Grand National so what makes them think this works?

    Oh - and another complete tit - Inverdale.
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    I'd rather have Tim Westwood telling me about Lee Westwood than Claire Balding. I accept she knows about horse racing and what have you but I never watch that, so why do I still see her all over my TV?
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    I like Clare Balding and even put her down as one of the ones to be stuck down the Chilean mine with thread. I don't buy into the fact that you have had to play the sport at the highest level to be able to commentate on it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sniffer Grouse View Post
    I like Clare Balding and even put her down as one of the ones to be stuck down the Chilean mine with thread. I don't buy into the fact that you have had to play the sport at the highest level to be able to commentate on it.
    Oh, of course not. Give me a quality broadcaster over a Paul Merson style "expert" any day. But her field of expertise is not golf. I wouldn't know whether she is or isn't good at talking about horses because I don't watch it, I have less than zero interest.

    Of course the two aren't mutually exclusive. As has been pointed out on the other thread, just as two examples, Brian Moore and Sam Torrance are former players who happen to also be excellent at commentating on their former sport.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deutsch Wolf View Post
    Of course the two aren't mutually exclusive. As has been pointed out on the other thread, just as two examples, Brian Moore and Sam Torrance are former players who happen to also be excellent at commentating on their former sport.
    Martin Brundle, Anthony Davidson and James Hunt are also classic examples of good commentators who participated in the sport at the top level. Jonathan Palmer, on the other hand was kakh.

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    Jim Beglin!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Law's Bus View Post
    Martin Brundle, Anthony Davidson and James Hunt are also classic examples of good commentators who participated in the sport at the top level. Jonathan Palmer, on the other hand was kakh.
    Palmer was an odd one. I think it was his background as a doc, he just sounded robotic. In the flesh he was way more enthusiastic, mabye speaking into a mike just froze him up.

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