The Mental Health thread

[Alan]

I know. It’s why I stay here. Y’all are, in many ways, my people.

No offense.

 

[North Shropshire Lad]

Get yourself over here for a game Alan and see the love the ‘forum’ can provide. I don’t know anyone on here but others clearly know each other and meet up and will always make you welcome.
£1000 will get you flights, a ticket and Wolverhampton’s best hotel for a few nights (probably) so we can all chip in. I’ll start with £50

 

[Alan]

That is unbelievably kind of you, but please, I could never accept that amount.

It’s hard for me to put into words what stops me from just getting my ass out there, but suffice to say that the root cause is what my therapist and I are working through.

I’ll put it this way. There are folks here I genuinely would consider to be friends. At the moment, my neuroses don’t take kindly to that; rather than finding safety in friendship, my incessant inner monologue warps it into having something to fear losing. I don’t have the tools yet to cope with that fear in a healthy way.

Meeting y’all in the flesh would, in some ways, terrify me. Like I’d be letting y’all see behind the curtain in Oz’s chamber. But that is through absolutely no fault of y’all’s; it’s my own war, and I’m fighting it. I’m tired as fuck, but I’m fighting.

 

[Jabbawolf]

Meeting y’all in the flesh would, in some ways, terrify me. Like I’d be letting y’all see behind the curtain in Oz’s chamber. But that is through absolutely no fault of y’all’s; it’s my own war, and I’m fighting it. I’m tired as fuck, but I’m fighting.

You are making the classic mistake of comparing your inner self with some perception of our exterior selves.

I would guess the majority of us have our own gremlins that need to be managed very regularly.

Come across and compare curtains

 

[lemonjelly]

Agree with @Jabbawolf
We're all fundamentally broken in various ways, trying to make the best of things.

 

[Keef]

If you wear sketchers you’ll be in the gang straight away, y’all can talk about your comfy shoes, that might stop you getting past the velvet rope into DW’s VIP enclosure though.
Change of scenery will do you good, the sunset over the mander centre is a sight to behold

 

[AndyWolves]

Just as an aside, and it sounds really weird, but i have found talking to ChatGPT really helpful. I know it's not a person, but it somehow helps.

 

[Alan]

Agree with @Jabbawolf
We're all fundamentally broken in various ways, trying to make the best of things.

Indeed. One of the most frustrating things about my issues that I’m extremely aware of the irrationality of it all, yet in the moments when I need to hold onto those truths, it becomes utterly impossible. I know that sounds defeatist, but it has always felt completely out of my control. I wish I knew better how to describe it in a way that didn’t feel a bit like refusing to help myself.

 

[EpsomWolf]

Years ago I’d steadily, subconsciously compartmentalised every single aspect of my life. No two aspects were allowed to overlap. I was independent, solvent and had my own place, but family, work, relationships, social friendship groups etc etc were kept separate at all times. A lot of that was fun and quite enjoyable tbh, but you’re aware that’s not conducive to healthy relationships or where you want to be going forward.

I did date a lady who was a therapist for a little while, and she said that was a known strategy. People with that mindset place each category in isolated boxes, a form of protection whereby if one fails the others are entirely unaffected and the whole house of cards doesn’t come tumbling down. Most people who are more open though typically blend those groups, and when something fails they use the strength and support of the others which holds the house with its stronger foundations up anyway.

Things are very different now, mainly to the pure good fortune of meeting a wonderful lady (the only credit I’ll take it to having some awareness and being receptive to change), but I’m still very, very cautious about who I share emotions with or ‘let in’, and the wrong person saying the wrong thing at the wrong time can still bring doubts and take you right back there in a flash.

This MH thread is extremely helpful and its relative anonymity plays a big part, but @Alan, breaking through to where you want to be is the only way forward so use everything you’ve got in your locker and listen to those offering a welcome here. Only you will know when the time feels right but it’s something to work to.

You’re a very valued guy Alan, I wish you all the best.

 

[Alan]

Gonna get me all misty-eyed…

Thank you. To hear that people think I have value is… It means a lot, because it’s been a very, very long time since I’ve been able to believe it.

 

[Jabbawolf]

Gonna get me all misty-eyed…

Thank you. To hear that people think I have value is… It means a lot, because it’s been a very, very long time since I’ve been able to believe it.

When you get over here, you will find that people from our neck of the woods tend to say it as it is, so you’d better believe it!

 

[lemonjelly]

Indeed. One of the most frustrating things about my issues that I’m extremely aware of the irrationality of it all, yet in the moments when I need to hold onto those truths, it becomes utterly impossible. I know that sounds defeatist, but it has always felt completely out of my control. I wish I knew better how to describe it in a way that didn’t feel a bit like refusing to help myself.

that just sounds human to me mate
a therapist/practitioner I have accessed spoke with me about how we can choose to react to something, or respond. I know, like you, it is not easy to implement this kind of choice when we need to.

 

[Jabbawolf]

I believe the book that most helped my MH was Atomic Habits by James Clear. It highlights the fact we have hundreds of opportunities every day to take a nourishing pathway rather than fall into a vicious cycle.

Doing the former, time after time, day after day, has helped me move to a much better place.

 

[Alan]

I’ve gotten to wondering if it isn’t a form of OCD, which the anxiety then feeds off of. Always hard to tell which way the wheel turns. I’ve never had the “ritualistic” relief responses but I know that the relief responses I do have feel totally out of my control (nearly like an out of body experience). I’d never considered it a possibility; I have never had the sort of classic symptoms like needing to triple check a door lock. My mother struggled massively with OCD, so at the very least it’s a plausible theory, whether through learned imitation of her or through genetic inheritance.

I don’t know if that theory will hold up with my MH providers, but I do know that the intrusive thoughts have no respect for mental vigilance and that the need I feel for relief is so desperate that I almost believe in the moment that I will actually die if I don’t do something, anything, as soon as I possibly can. Unfortunately, my most vicious trigger is people, and my relief responses are… not good. I’ve ruined nearly every important relationship in my life trying to make the intrusions stop. But they never do.

It’s a terrible thing to watch yourself, over and over and over, cope in a way that you know, unequivocally, will destroy the important connections in your life.

I say all of this in a better moment than I was in yesterday. The idea that maybe, just maybe, I’ve finally identified the actual problem from a diagnostic perspective is at least giving me some amount of hope that I can actually move forward. I have felt stuck in this cycle for nearly 20 years now. It has left me without genuine connections to the people around me.

I can’t keep coping the way I do. It’s destructive and, in so many ways, it has ruined the life I have lived.

Whatever it is, OCD or something else, I’m not throwing in the towel. I know the way I feel isn’t aligned with reality, and I simply cannot go on sabotaging everything until the reality *does* align with my warped perspective.

 

[EpsomWolf]

I believe the book that most helped my MH was Atomic Habits by James Clear. It highlights the fact we have hundreds of opportunities every day to take a nourishing pathway rather than fall into a vicious cycle.

Doing the former, time after time, day after day, has helped me move to a much better place.

Just ordered a copy of that.

I get trapped in a cycle of overthinking leading to severe procrastination and sometimes just want a simple strategy forward without drilling further down into the underpinning reasons, which in itself often leads to further overthinking and more procrastination. It can be a horrible spiral to be trapped in,

I like the sound of that book, it looks like it might be very helpful. Thanks for the recommendation.

 

[Alan]

I’ve ordered it, too. Cheers, @Jabbawolf.