The Laughter Cemetery

[FrankMunro-371]

Hodgson was asked about the use of social media in the game nowadays: "Have you ever tweeted Roy?". "Yes" he replied, "I tweeted my wife to a lovely meal last night".
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With thanks to Langdale..

 

[Langers]

Hodgson was asked about the use of social media in the game nowadays: "Have you ever tweeted Roy?". "Yes" he replied, "I tweeted my wife to a lovely meal last night".
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With thanks to Langdale..

With thanks to The Bear.

 

[The Bear]

WTF :icon_lol:

 

[Langers]

Facebook - the plagiarist's dream.

 

[Sniffer]

The Forums answer to Tommy Cooper

Frank you were more credible as the Forums IT expert than The Forums answer to Tommy Cooper.

A better signature may be the Prediction Leagues answer to Terry Connor.

 

[Penk Wolf]

I can't believe my best mate, Gav, died of heartburn.


Gav is gone.

 

[Langers]

FFS... :icon_lol:

 

[James]

The Hunt for Bin Laden, ITV 9:00 - 11:00, oh such sweet ironic scheduling.

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When James Bond is out of his home country of England, is he known as +44 07?

 

[FrankMunro-371]

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience was different each week so he did same tricks over and over.
The problem was, the captain's parrot saw all the shows and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
He started shouting in the middle of the show: 'Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table. Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?' The magician was furious but, as it was the captain's parrot, he could do nothing. Then one day the ship sank and the magician found himself floating on a piece of wood with the parrot.
They glared at each other but said nothing. Finally, after a week, the parrot said: 'OK, I give up. Where's the boat?'

 

[Penk Wolf]

I sold my car in the local newspaper today.

It took the bloke who bought it three hours to unwrap it.

 

[James]

This seems apropriate for this thread.

Dog walks into a bar.

Bartender point's to a sign and says "No dogs allowed".

The Dog says "im special though".

Bartender says "what makes you so special then?"

 

[Penk Wolf]

That was terrible when Frank posted it.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I sold my car in the local newspaper today.

It took the bloke who bought it three hours to unwrap it.

Superb. I have finally converted you.

 

[James]

That was terrible when Frank posted it.

Woops..... Thought u was being orignal and it's why i said it was meant here.

heres one on the house.


When I die, I'd like the word 'Humble' to be written

on my statue.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Monkey and an Hyena, best of mates were walking through the jungle when the Hyena was attacked by a vicious Lion. The Monkey escaped up a nearby tree and watched his friend the Hyena being mauled and ripped to bits.

Once the fight was over the Hyena was only just alive and turned to the Monkey and said. "Why didn't you come and help me?" And the Monkey replied, "The way you were laughing I thought you were winning so I didn't bother."

 

[Bandyrastard]

Just made my 2 hour trip bearable. Thanks

 

[The Bear]

Just made my 2 hour trip unbearable. Thanks

Fixed.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Just made my 2 hour trip bearable. Thanks

I aim to please.....


A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy.
'Are you the manager?' she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
'Actually, no,' he replies.
'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she says, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
'I'm afraid I can't,' breathes the barman, clearly aroused. 'Is there anything I can do?'
‘Yes there is. I need you to give him a message,' she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them. 'Tell him,' she says, 'that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies' toilet.'

 

[Langers]

:icon_lol:

 

[Wolf Hunting]

I aim to please.....


A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy.
'Are you the manager?' she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
'Actually, no,' he replies.
'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she says, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
'I'm afraid I can't,' breathes the barman, clearly aroused. 'Is there anything I can do?'
‘Yes there is. I need you to give him a message,' she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them. 'Tell him,' she says, 'that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies' toilet.'

Fuck me Frank.
We give you your own thread to post your shite jokes in and you start posting these in the wrong one!